Episode 9: An Athlete named Andrea?!?!?

The NBA draft is one of my favorite times of the year. Lots of fun especially since I know alot of these players because I watch alot of college basketball. The Euro trash usually throw a wrench in my draft analysis because I usually know nothing about them. I'll try to get my hands on some type of video from websites or whatever but that's really not enough to form a good opinion on a basketball player. Also the past couple years, it's been dissappointing since with TNT, Hubie Brown and Charles Barkley always gave the best comments on each athlete. However this year, it was suprising entertaining with the highlight being David Stern's godfather like comments after Dan Patrick tried to mock the commish. Never test, David Stern. Of course, I also always enjoy how uncomfortable Stern looks when he's announcing trades. Anyways, on to the grades.

Atlanta Hawks: C

Added:
Shelden Williams, PF-C
Solomon Jones- PF

I like Shelden Williams alot as a player....might be because he looks like redman with down syndrome. The guys a blue collar athlete who will rebound and block shots. Something the Hawks will need since they were porous on the defensive end last year. However, THEY PASSED UP A POINT GUARD AGAIN. Foye or Marcus Williams would've been good pickups here. Also, they could've easily gotten Shelden Williams anywhere from 10-14. A defenite reach. Their second round pick will be a non factor. Lightweight with a long wingspan. BOOOOOOOOOO.

Boston Celtics: C

Added:
Sebastian Telfair, PG
Theo Ratliff, PF-C
Rajon Rondo, PG
Leon Powe, PF

What Boston did makes no sense to me. None. Rondo has no jump shot and is inconsistent as hell. Sure he's a very good athlete but he doesn't seem to have the basketball skills. Plus they add Telfair to the PG rotation which already consists of Delonte West. Why? If they don't pull off another trade, none of this is any good. I still like Telfair and think he can be something good but all I can do is laugh at this Cerberus at the PG spot. Leon Powe saves Boston from an almost failing grade. I think he's a steal. Perhaps a bit undersized but the man can rebound and score with the best of them. BEAST. Could be a powe man's Elton Brand LOL LOL LOL. Sorry, had to do it.

Charlotte Bobcats: B+

Added:
Adam Morrison, SF
Ryan Hollins, C

Bobcats added what they basically needed. Someone that can put points on the board. I've been big on Adam even though he's not a great athlete. He can score from anywhere on the court, in a multitude of ways, from many different types of angles. I can defenitely see him be a consistent 20 ppg scorer in the NBA for years. Fuck Ryan Hollins. He ain't shit.

Chicago Bulls: A

Added:
Ty Thomas, PF
Thabo Sfelosha, SG-SF

Fuck the Bulls. Not only do they always swindle the Knicks, but they always make good personnel moves. Fucking pisses me off. Ty Thomas is probably the best athlete in this draft and could be scary good. Very aggressive and a best on the boards and on defense. I don't know alot about Thabo but from what I hear, he's a very good defensive prospect. You'll need him to guard players like Wade, Lebron, Michael Redd, Adam Morrison, Vince Carter, Richard Jefferson and Jamal Crawford (LOL J/K) in the Eastern Conference. Paxson is setting these guys up for the long haul. If they ever win a championship in the coming years, they NEED to send a ring to Isiah for setting them up. Knowing Isiah, he'd probably take all the credit too. Faggot.

Cleveland Cavaliers: B

Added:
Shannon Brown, SG
Daniel Gibson, PG

Flip Murray's a free agent. For most teams, they'd probably not give a shit. But he was actually good for the Cavs so they needed insurance and got a good one in Shannon Brown. SICK ATHLETE. Sick hops, extremely strong, and has a good jump shot. He also loves to play defense. He reminds me of a football player playing basketball. I mean that in a good way. I'm not a big fan of Gibson but i'm sure he'll play given the Cavs' horrid PG rotation. ERIC SNOW IS STILL ALIVE?!?!?!

Dallas Mavericks: C+

Added:
Maurice Ager, SG

Solid pickup. Dallas always drafts well (well, other then Pavel Podkolzine LOL). He can shoot and defend (see a trend with these Michigan State players?). Will be a solid role player for the Mavericks. Heard he's a big church guy. You know that'll set him up for more minutes in Avery "YOU NEED JESUS" Johnson's rotation.

Denver Nuggets: F

Added: Nobody

JESUS CHRIST DO SOMETHING FAGGOTS. YOU DO REALIZE THAT YOU NEED A SHOOTER AND SOMEONE TO TAKE THE SCORING BURDEN OFF CARMELO, RIGHT?!?!

Detroit Pistons: F

Added:
Cheik Samb, C
Will Blalock, PG

The Pistons haven't had a single good pick since Tayshaun Prince. Joe Dumars is making money and fame off moves he made 2-3 years ago. If Paxson or Colangelo was the GM of Detroit, they probably would've had one more trophy on their mantle. OVERRATED GM. However, this is coming from a Knicks fan so take that with a grain of salt.

Golden State Warriors: F

Added:
Patrick O'Bryant, C
Some guy from Serbia, C

WOW THE WARRIORS DRAFTED ANOTHER CENTER ALONG WITH GREAT PICKS LIKE ERICK DAMPIER, ADONAL FOYLE, AND ANDRES BIEDRINS. Sooner or later, you have to see that you have a bad track record at drafting a certain position so you'll go another route. NO NOT THE GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS. WHEN AT FIRST YOU DONT SUCEED, TRY TRY AGAIN.

Houston Rockets: F

Added:
Shane Battier, SF
Steve Novak, PF-C
Lior Eliyahu, SF

The Rockets trade a potential all star for a role player. CAN SOMEONE GIVE ME A CHANCE TO BE A NBA GM? Jesus christ. I've always said, whenever you are given a chance, draft a UCONN player because you won't be dissappointed. The past few years, I've been proven right. Even when people thought Villanueva was a bad pick. Calhoun's system rarely caters to great individual seasons and Gay played on a star studded team last year. Battier isn't bad but Gay could be so much more (NO HOMO). Novak could turn out to be a nice little role player. A Brad Lohaus type. Eliyahu is from Israel. That alone gave the Rockets a failing grade. But trust me, they probably would've failed even if they didn't draft a Jew.

Indiana Pacers: F

Added:
Shawne Williams, SF-PF
James White, SG

Another failure. This time it's not who the team picked but who the team passed up. This team's starting point guard is Anthony Johnson and they pass up Marcus Williams?!?! AM I IN RETARDO NBA?!?!? THATS RIGHT NOT BIZZARO BUT RETARDO. Shawne Williams can turn out to be a decent prospect but this team is ready to compete now and Shawne Williams isn't ready now. Marcus could've helped this team alot next season. Leave it to Larry Bird to fall in love with a SF that loves to shoot threes. DID SOMEONE FORGET TO TELL HIM THAT SHAWNE IS WHITE?!?!?!

LA Clippers: B-

Added:
Paul Davis, C
Guillermo Diaz, PG

I thought Davis was unfairly hated on in college. The man always competed and played solid. 7 foot big men with nice jumpers are hard to come around. He'll be a good backup center for a while. Don't know much about Diaz but from what I hear, he is a prospect that alot of teams wanted to get their hands on. Never thought I'd be propping Elgin Baylor as a GM. One crazy year, huh?

LA Lakers: F

Added:
Jordan Farmar, PG
Danilo Pinnock, SG

Don't like Farmar and I don't know much about Pinnock other then the fact that he has a funny name. Right now Kobe is thinking "Good, two more players I don't have to pass the ball!"

THATS RIGHT KOBE!! WELL UNLESS ITS GAME 7 OF A CRUCIAL PLAYOFF SERIES AND YOU DONT FEEL LIKE PLAYING ANYMORE!

Memphis Grizzlies: A

Added:
Rudy Gay, SF
Stromile Swift, PF
Kyle Lowry, PG
Alexander Johnson, PF

The Logo came through with an awesome draft. Rudy Gay has the potential to be the best player from this draft. The only player with real superstar ability. He just has to prove it (not exactly the words you want to hear as a Memphis fan). Memphis was hurting at PG last year and they get a solid one in Lowry. Stromile Swift and Johnson will provide good PF depth behind Gasol and can probably play alongside him.

Miami Heat: A

Added:
THE SOUL OF EVERY REFEREE IN WADE'S BACK POCKET

What? Dwyane Wade wants to take Esther Baxter out to dinner? Does she wear a zebra shirt and a whistle around her neck?

Milwaukee Bucks: C+

Added:
David Noel, SF
Damir Markota, PF

I was suprised Noel didn't get picked until midway in the second round. I liked him alot. He's extremely strong for a swingman and he's a very good defensive player. Could turn out to be a solid role player in the NBA.

Minnesota T-wolves: B

Added:
Randy Foye, PG-SG
Craig Smith, PF
Loukas Mavrokefalidis, C

Foye is an excellent pick. I compared him to a poor man's gilbert arenas. Greg Anthony had a spot on comparison of Chauncey Billups. Could be a great combo guard for the T-wolves. Not a big fan of Craig Smith. He had a good college game that I dont think will translate in the NBA. Only 2 good things have come out of Greece. Gyros and hot women. Loukas should just entertain people everywhere and change his name to Loco and pick up a hispanic accent.

New Jersey Nets: A

Added:
Marcus Williams, PG
Josh Boone, PF-C
Hassan Adams, SG

Rod Thorn is a top 5 GM in the NBA. Up there with Paxson, RC Buford, Jerry Colangelo, and Jerry West. And he followed my "Pick UCONN players, trust me, you won't regret it" plan to a T. Marcus Williams was the best pure PG in this draft. He should've probably been picked 15 picks earlier. A true playmaker with clutch ability doesn't come by often. Now he gets to learn the game from Jason Kidd and adds more to the Nets attack. Josh Boone is perfect for the Nets. He rebounds and plays defense extremely well. That's what the Nets need most. He'll play significant minutes from the outset off the bench and in a couple years, could start for them. I was very high on Boone before the draft. Another sure thing in NBA drafts is selecting players from Arizona. Adams is an amazing athlete. Reminds me alot of Q-rich before he became a 3 point chucker. Great rebounder from the SG position and can create his own shot. Projects to be a very good defender in the NBA.

New Orleans Hornets: B+

Added:
Hilton Armstrong, C
Cedric Simmons, PF
Marcus Vinicius Vieira de Souza, SF

The Hornets needed frontcourt help and they got some in this draft to help out PJ Brown. Hilton Armstrong's a very good defensive player and rebounder. His offense leaves a little to be desired though. Playing with Paul will open things up for him offensively. Simmons can turn out to be a Stromile Swift type player in the NBA.

New York Knicks: F-

Added:
Renaldo Balkman, SG-SF
Mardy Collins, SG-PG

I am now officially on suicide watch. SUICIDE BOMBER WATCH THAT IS!!!!!!!

Orlando Magic: B-

Added:
JJ Redick, SG
James Augustine, PF

DARKOS GONNA BE DRAWING THOSE DOUBLE TEAMS, JJ. GET READY TO SHOOT, MAYNE

Philly 76ers: B-

Added:
Rodney Carney, SF
Bobby Jones, SF
Some guy from Bosnia, C. No, i'm not making this stuff up.

Carney is probably the best athlete in this draft and can shoot the rock pretty well. One small problem. ANDRE IGUODALA PLAYS HIS POSITION.

Phoenix Suns: D

Added:
A future first round pick from the Boston Celtics.

Wow, that was no fun.

Portland Trailblazers: B

Added:
LaMarcus Aldridge, PF
Brandon Roy, SG
Sergio Rodriguez, PG
Raef Lafrentz, PF-C
Joel Freeland, PF

Ummmm, made enough trades guys? I like the Roy and Rodriguez picks alot. Roy especially. Him and Morrison were the most NBA ready players in the draft. Roy can do everything. And the talk of Sergio being an European Streetballer can only mean good things in terms of entertainment value (in a good and bad way). Aldridge is a nice player but I don't see him being more then a 17-18 ppg scorer in the NBA, if he's that at all. I don't know much about freeland. Two bad things to come out of this draft for the Portland Trailblazers. They had to pick up Raef Lafrentz' contract. Also, they didn't draft any convicts. The fanbase will be terribly dissappointed.

Sacramento Kings: C+

Added:
Quincy Douby, PG-SG

Douby is a pure combo guard. Mainly a scoring guard though. He can shoot from anywhere in the gym. Not much of a playmaker though. Plus his name sounds like drug paraphenelia. You know Ron Artest is smiling somewhere. The guy's playing with Powder (aka Mike Bibby) and Douby.

San Antonio Spurs: F

Added:
ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING

C'mon, RC. DO SOMETHING. AT LEAST DROP YOUR LAST NAME AND TELL PEOPLE YOU'LL BE REFERRED TO AS MR. COLA FROM NOW ON. PLZ!!!!!!!!!

Seattle Supersonics: F

Added:
Mouhamed Saer Sene, C
Denham Brown, SG
Yotam Halperin, PG

Wow, they drafted a center 3 straight years. Plz refer to my Golden State Warriors comments. PLZ GUYS. Can I please be a GM in the NBA. PLEASE. The one positive out of this is they stayed true to my Uconn theory. However, they drafted an Israeli. You know what that means? A big fat F on their report card......and quite possibly some bomb threats. yeah right. Who's going to bomb Seattle?

Toronto Raptors: B

Added:
Andrea Bargnani, PF
PJ Tucker, SF

Colangelo is an outside the box GM. He went outside the box in this draft. Picked a player that could be a Dirk clone. He can crash and burn with this pick but he made a ballsy move.

Utah Jazz: B

Added:
Ronnie Brewer, SG-SF
Dee Brown, PG
Paul Millsap, PF

Ronnie Brewer's a good pick here. They needed a swingman that can get into the paint. Brewer's the man for the job. Plus he can play D and is a good playmaker from the swingman spot. Like this pick alot. They also reunited Dee Brown and Deron Williams. I like Dee Brown. Can be a bobby Jackson type off the bench. instant energy. WTF IS A MILLSAP?!?! He put up good collegiate numbers but i know almost nothing about him other then the fact that he rebounds like a beast.

Washington Wizards: F

Added:
A couple of Russians

McCarthyism came 55 years too early. Russians are infiltrating our nation's capital. DONT WORRY ABOUT THE MUSLIMS. ITS THE RUSSIANS WE NEED TO BE WORRIED ABOUT