Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the BLOG TO SAVE ALL MANKIND. Yesterday's blog was sports related but today......I'm going to try something a little different. I'm going to let the reader delve a little bit into the Popa psyche and understand the inner workings of me, Hasib, the writer of this blog.
So yes. I want to let you guys in on a little secret.
I'm smitten with Natalie Portman.
WHAT?!?!?!
Yes, you heard right. No, i do not merely like her like we used to be like in high school where we'd be saying stuff to our buddies like "Oh geez Gregg, I like her but she hangs out with the cool kids. How do i approach her". I am in love with Natalie Portman. Which is basically the same situation as being in high school because she hangs out with the cool kids and I do not have the foggiest idea on how to approach her. So I really don't know what the difference is. Anyways even if I did approach her, she'd probably be like "WTF" and then beat me up and file a restraining order.
So what's the problem you say? If that is what you are wondering, then you must clearly not know me that well. The quagmire here, folks, is that she.....the love of my life.....the apple of my eye.....the object of my desire......she is a Jew. Not only that, she is from Israel. Now those that are reading this might be saying to themselves "So what?" Well, I relish in the fact that I'm a semi militant Muslim man. Not to mention, she is white and I am full fledged 100 % all brown meat. So now you can see the quandry that I am in.
I know some of you, most of y'all being my greatest fans, are thinking "Shit, how did this happen? How did my hero succumb to weakness?" Slow down, wodie. No one is perfect, not even one of the greatest brown thinkers on the face of Allah's green earth. So let me give you guys the backstory. It started a couple of weeks ago when the "V for Vendetta" hype machine was in full swing. I saw this stunning vision of beauty before me on Dave Letterman and I was taken aback with how she carried herself. Holy guacamole, here is a woman that is easygoing, intelligent, funloving. These are 3 characters I look mainly for in a woman. And for someone claiming to be an actress, she acted nothing like the stereotype. She was extremely down to earth and no hint of diva-ness whatsoever. Now, I've seen Natalie Portman in other movies before. I've seen classics like The Proffessional (2 Thumbs Up), Closer (1 Thumb up), the Star Wars prequels (Two thumbs up my ass, no homo). But i've never seen her being herself. This is probably why my life took a turn for the worst. The next day I saw Natalie on TRL (Yes, as you have noticed, I am already on a first name basis with her even though I haven't even met her yet). Now I know what you are thinking....."WTF ARE YOU WATCHING TRL FOR?" Guys Guys, relax. I was channel surfing when I caught a glimpse of my future wife. And don't worry, I had my finger on the mute button just in case LaLa was around (Ever read the Odyssey? LaLa's voice is like the sirens on that island that lure sailors to their deaths. Instead LaLa's voice leads sane human beings to jump off buildings. True story). Anyways, she carried herself in the same demeanor even though some faggot named Damien was swooning over her. After watching V for Vendetta for myself, I was convinced. She would be mine, OH YES, she would be mine.
Now, I haven't found out how I'm going to make this happen yet. I'm currently trying to devise a plot on how I'll try to meet her. and until then, this is merely a dream.
But my friends! THINK OF THE POSSIBILITIES IF ME AND NATALIE WERE TO FORGE A BOND! Not only would me and Natalie be Hollywood's new power couple, with her being a world famous actress and me being a great brown philosopher/revolutionary, but we'd also work hard for peace amongst Muslims and Jews. Think about it, brothers and sisters. If me and Natalie could see past our differences and be together, why wouldn't Israel and the other Muslim countries take heed? Seeing this, there is nothing else they could do but just resolve their differences. AK-47's would be put down. Children wouldn't be raised as human bombs. The Israeli political party Likud would have to change it's stance on Palestine. Muslims and Jews would be humping each other at a rabbit rate. See? Us being together would have a far reaching affect on the whole Middle Eastern community!!!! Ultimately, this relationship isn't just about longing, lust, and desire. This relationship is the major cog in Popa's plan for Peace in the Middle East! Unfortunately, there are people that wouldn't want to see this take this place. The members of Likud, of course, because they think the only good muslim is a dead muslim (If you've ever seen the movie "Munich", my life would consist of me running from Eric Bana and Israeli assassins if this hypothetical union ever took place). George Bush would be against it because he stands to profit from selling weapons to Israel and also aiding them. And of course Dick Cheney because he's cyborg that is trying to complete his transformation into a total robot and in the process, trying to eradicate all life as we know it. So the American government would stop at no cost at preventing me and Natalie from being together.
We must make Natalie and my union happen, people, at all costs. I know she wants to be with me too. Whenever I see her on TV, I see the way she looks and smiles at me. The feeling is defenitely mutual. So join me in finding a way to get me and Natalie together and we'll find a way to achieve world peace and I finally won't be disgruntled. By any means necessary, Brothers and Sisters. By any means necessary.
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