Welcome to another episode of "The Blog to Save All of Mankind". It's been a little over a week since my last blog and I apologize. It's been a strange week. With Good Friday, Easter, and Passover in the same week, white people have been trying to dominate the foregront of internet blogging but have no fear.....I've come to the rescue.
In today's episode, I will discuss and disect the NBA MVP race. I will basically show what my ballot would look like from 10 to 1 (who I feel the MVP should be) and also list the pros and cons of each player. The pool of candidates this year is larger then it has been in years' past. Mainly because this year's basketball season has been far more exciting and entertaining then it has been during the previous two years. The last couple years, I've been dreading the basketball season. Partially because the Knicks are an abomination to all of organized sports but also because the sport as a whole has been, well, boring. I would dread the end of the NFL season and anticipate with open arms, the beginning of the baseball season. This has been a strange occurance to me because.....well.....basketball is my favorite sport. However, let's face the facts, nothing about the sport recently has really jumped out at you. The main things I remember from the past few years is Shaq being unceremoniously dumped by Kobe and the Lakers, Lebron James, and Michael Jordan's second retirement being a failure. Somewhere David Stern is shaking his fist, screaming curses at me because I've dissed his precious sport. But it's OUR precious sport and it has sucked. Well, it did until this year. What is it about this year that made this season stand out? Was it the New York Knicks? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH, no and let's not bring them up for the rest of the blog. The mere mention of MSG's most ridiculed tenant could corrode the very existence of our being. Hey, if we look in front of a mirror and say Isiah Thomas' name three times at midnight, maybe he'll show up and with a ten year contract in his hand at 10 million per? Knowing what you know, would you sign that? Be careful what you wish for, if you do sign it, you might end up in the hospital with an upset stomach like Larry Brown. Let's face it, being part of the New York Knicks in any shape or form (player, coach, management, fan wearing brown paper bag over head, etc.) speeds up the aging process. So I either have a bad case of alzheimers or I already deleted the whole Knicks season from my memory banks.
So what has made watching basketball fun again? Maybe it's the fact that a few young athletes are finally realizing their superstar potential and leading their teams to the post season? Maybe it's scoring being up all around the league? Maybe it's watching the Detroit Pistons disect every team in the NBA like surgeons? Maybe it's because of a rookie that gives faith to alot of old school fans about the future of the NBA point guard? Maybe it's watching a couple of all star swingmen ressurect their careers? Maybe it's the LA Clippers ressurecting their whole freaking franchise? Maybe it's all of these things and more. Enough of this poppycock though. Let's talk MVP.
10. Carmelo Anthony
Statline- 26.7 ppg, 5.0 rpg, 2.7 apg, 1.1 spg, 48.1 FG%, 80.7 FT%
Pros- One of the toughest people to stop one on one in the NBA period. Blend of size, quickness, and mid range jumpshot makes him a nightmare to defend. After a sub-par season last year where everyone doubted him (especially after the Olympics debacle), completely ressurected his career to become a superstar. Has made as many clutch regular season shots this year as anyone. The guy has been unreal at the end of games this year. All he has to do is prove he can do it in the playoffs.
Cons- Other then score, what does he really do well? Also even though the Nuggets will win their division, they are like the 6th best team in the West. Do you really think the Nuggets are better then the Mavericks, Clippers, or Grizzlies? Oh yeah, he's engaged to LaLa. Sooner or later, that will defenitely catch up to him. Imagine waking up to that every morning? He'll have a permanent ringing in his ears by the age of 28.
9. Jason Kidd
Statline- 13.4 ppg, 8.5 apg, 7.4 rpg, 1.9 spg, 40.5 FG%, 79.5 FT%
Pros- The man is a walking triple double. Even after knee surgery last year, the man is playing at a very high level. He also has basically ressurected the career of Vince Carter who, before Jason Kidd, was probably the second biggest recluse in the league. After a timeout where his coach designed the final play of the game, Vince told members of the opposing team who the ball was going to. WTF!?!? On top of that, He played mediocre basketball. Inexcusable. But in New Jersey, dude is a model citizen and a top 20 ball player. Helped transition Richard Jefferson into almost an all star year after he missed almost all of last season because of injury. He led the Nets to a 14 game winning streak and an Atlantic division title all without much of an interior presence on both sides of the court (even though Nenad Kristic has been coming on during that streak).
Cons- The man has clearly lost a step. You wonder when he's going to break down. How much of Vince Carter's ressurection is Jason kidd.....and how much of it is Vince finally getting his wish and getting out of Toronto? Helped produce TJ Kidd.....who's head is larger then the eastern seaboard of the United States. The child looks like a living bobblehead doll. Even Joumanna Kidd is horrified.
8. Elton Brand
Statline- 24.8 ppg, 10.0 rpg, 2.7 apg, 2.6 bpg, 52.7 FG%, 77.0 FT%
Pros- The only true post player on this list. The man is a load inside. Has helped carry the LA Clippers to a postseason berth. Yes, you read that correctly. When was the last time you've heard the LA Clippers and playoffs in the same sentence? Well, pretty much every year at the half way point of the season when Sportscenter anchors are required to tell people that the Clips are mathematically eliminated from achieving a playoff berth. However, this year has been different. Unbelieveable. Even though he went to Duke, he hates the people at Duke as much as I do.
Cons- However, he still went to Duke and that cannot be forgiven. The Clippers have not been as good since the all star break and not suprisingly that has coincided with a slight dip in production from Sir Elton Brand. Did I mention that he went to Duke? Also, has he even surpassed Johnny Dawkins as the best player in the NBA from Duke ever? Of course he has. I'm just using saying that as a reason for saying that "boy, doesn't Johnny Dawkins look an awful lot like Swizz Beats?" The resemblance is uncanny. Also, Coach K reminds me of Master Splinter from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie but that's a whole other blog altogether.
7. Chris Paul
Statline- 16.5 ppg, 7.9 apg, 5.3 rpg, 2.3 spg, 43.2 FG%, 84.5 FT%
Pros- Smallest player on this list is also one of the few true PGs still left in the NBA. AND HES STILL A ROOKIE!!! The man is single handedly carrying the New Orleans Hornets and their roster of also rans in competing for a postseason berth. Seriously, can someone name 4 players on the New Orleans Hornets in 10 seconds without the help of the internet? Didn't think so.
Cons- His team is not making the playoffs. That automatically takes him out of the running for MVP. But he still deserves consideration for his efforts. Rookies have rarely ever won MVP. The last rookie to win was Wes Unseld. His full name consists of two first names. That's gotta work against him somehow. I mean, look at what happened to Allan Ray. A piece of advice to people about to have kids. If your last name can also pass for a first name, the child's first name has to look like someone's last name. Also, one of my boys calls him CP3. One of the worst nicknames i've ever heard.
6. Chauncey Billups
Statline- 18.8 ppg, 8.7 apg, 3.1 rpg, .419 FG%, .903 FT%, .437 3pt%
Pros- Is the lead surgeon on the Detroit Pistons surgical squad. The engine of the machine that has totally dissected almost every team in the NBA this year. You can argue he's the best clutch player on this list. In the past 3 years, he's probably hit as many big shots as Kobe.
Cons- The Pistons aren't winning because of him. They are winning because of the group as a whole. They are defenitely a team that wins because of the sum of the parts. He's also not that great of a defensive player. People are fooled because the Pistons are arguably the best defensive team in the NBA but it's because of the frontcourt. Prince and the Wallace brothers erase hella mistakes. I can't believe I said hella. Now you know I'm starting to run out of gas.
5. Dwyane Wade
Statline- 27.5 ppg, 5.8 rpg, 6.8 apg, 1.95 spg, .498 FG%, .782 FT%
Pros- Last year, Wade was Shaq's sidekick. Those days are over. This is Wade's team and Shaq is just playing in it. On the offensive end, Wade is the catalyst for the Miami Heat. The man is an athletic phenomenon. At 6'4, Wade gets up in the air like no one's buisness. What impresses me the most is his 50% clip from the field. At the rate he's scoring at, he shows you that his shot selection is top notch.
Cons- Miami should be better then what they are. Look at all the pieces on this Miami Heat team and tell me they shouldn't be a 60 win team. Now is that Wade's fault? Could it be the mid season coaching change or the fact that all the new pieces didn't mesh well together? Who knows? But I'm pretty much holding that against him. Also the Heat are 4-5 in April. Would an MVP allow that to happen....especially with the #1 seed in the conference not too far from their grasp? I have a hard time believing that. Last but not least, the guy is reveling in the fact that he's a model for Sean John. Sean fucking John. During the All star Saturday Night, dude was blowing kisses at the camera. No way am I letting this pretty boy fag get a pass on that. But hey, at least he's not referring to himself in the third person and telling reporters that Starbury is coming back. But still.
4. Dirk Nowitzki
Statline- 26.6 ppg, 9.0 rpg, 2.8 apg, 1.04 bpg, .482 FG%, .899 FT%, .409 3pt%
Pros- The second biggest nightmare of a one on one matchup in the NBA. Second only to Kobe. If you are a 4 or 5 in the NBA, you want no piece of this man. He can take you off the dribble, shoot over you from mid range or long range, and can even post you up now. SCARY. His clutch shooting in March and April was awe inspiring. He must've had 3 or 4 game winners in the past month and a half alone. He simply knows when to take over offensively during a game.
Cons- He's pretty bad defensively. He's improved the past couple years but still maybe average. In the western conference, average defense is not cutting it against the all star power forwards in that conference. If I take Dirk off the Mavericks, is the team really that bad? I can still see the Mavs fighting for a playoff spot. They are a pretty talented team. This is the place where I'd have a joke con but all the good german and Dirk jokes have been used. If you are going to blame me for not trying, FUCK YOU. Yeah, I'm really running out of gas. Now I know what you're going to say. "OH HOW IRONIC, A MUSLIM RUNNING OUT OF GAS". Don't test me if you don't want regular gas at 5 dollars a gallon. All I need to do is make one phone call.
3. Kobe Bryant
Statline- 35.3 ppg, 5.3 rpg, 4.5 apg, 1.81 spg, .450 FG%, .848 FT%
Pros- How do you guard this guy? The biggest scoring threat in the NBA. People throw around the term "single handedly carrying his team" around too often in these type of things. This guy really is doing it. Most of the players around him blow serious chunks. Seriously, this guy is sharing a backcourt with a guy named Smush. Kobe and Smush. You can't make this kind of stuff up. You take him off the Lakers, they are defenitely not making the playoffs. They'd be making a run at guys named Lamarcus or Adam in the draft lottery. He's also a well known fan of white ass. Can't say I blame the brother.
Cons- Two words. Lamar Odom. This guy used to be an annual all star. He played on an Olympic team. Rephrase that. He STARTED on an Olympic team. Granted, it was an Olympic team coached by Larry Brown but still, it was an Olympic team. Lamar Odom is a very good basketball player that has been almost non-existant for the Lakers. I seriously think Kobe's the reason for this. Also, do you think an MVP would send the best center in the NBA packing because he wanted his own team? I know it was two years ago but c'mon. Finally, he has Hugh Grant Syndrome. The syndrome I will be chronicling in the next few sentences is named after Hugh Grant because his was the first reported case and the most terrible affliction. Now, I don't blame Kobe for being fascinated with caucasian ass. I blame Kobe for tapping inferior ass to what he already had. C'mon guys, anyone who's seen the heaven that is Kobe's dime piece wife understands what the fuck I'm talking about. I think Max Weinberg summed it up best when he was talking to Conan O'brien about Jude Law's infidelity with his children's babysitter when he was with Sienna Miller. "This is America. And in America, you cheat up....not down." Truer words have never been spoken.
2. Lebron James
Statline- 31.6 ppg, 7.1 rpg, 6.6 apg, 1.6 spg, .480 FG%, .739 FT%
Pros- The greatest individual talent in the NBA in my opinion. He not only lived up to the hype, but he could surpass it if he plays to his potential. His statline is mind boggling. Is in the top 3 when you talk about players with complete, all around games. He is leading the Cavaliers to their first playoff berth in 7 years.
Cons- Maybe it's just me, but I don't think he's playing better then he was last year. Don't get me wrong, he's a better player then he was last year but is he playing better? Last year, it seemed he was much more mindful of getting his teammates involved. This year, he looks like he is looking to get his alot more. 5 main players in the Cavs rotation's (Larry Hughes, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Drew Gooden, Damon Jones, and Donyell Marshall) scoring averages have dipped from last year. Now you kinda expect that when they are playing with someone averaging close to 32 ppg. Thing is, should he be averaging 32 ppg? I'd be far more impressed if he averaged 28 points and 8 assists instead of 32 points and 6 and a half dimes. Personally, I think his team would've been better off. After seeing him play his first year (heck, after seeing a couple games of his on TV when he was in high school), I was convinced I'd be watching a better version of Magic Johnson in 5 years. People were talking about whether he'd be the second person to average a triple double in a season. However, it seems he wants to take the Michael Jordan route like Kobe did. Maybe I'm nitpicking a great player but it is something to think about.
1. Steve Nash
Statline- 19.0 ppg, 10.5 apg, 4.2 apg, .510 FG%, .924 FT%, .427 3pt%
Pro- My pick for MVP. The defending MVP, if you can believe it, is having a better year then he had last year. 6 players from the Phoenix Suns (including himself) are averaging career highs in points per game. They won the Pacific division without one of the best players on the team (Amare Stoudemire). He is schooling alot of PGs in the NBA even though he is the biggest hippie in the NBA unless Christian Laetner is still playing. If he is still playing, then I retract that statement.
Cons- He's still not a very good defender. Other team's PGs eat him up usually. However, that's the only real flaw to his game. Sure he's a bad defender but he is the main reason the players around him are playing at an extremely high level. Personally, I think that overshadows what he isn't doing.....which is not playing defense.
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